fluorescent lighting has always been my favorite

alright heres another thing. if you are going to talk about me behind my back, maybe you should try doing it more ninja like. Im not stupid i know wen people are talkin about me, and no i dont want you to tell me to my face but it doesnt help the situation if u make yourself known. thats just rude.

and instead of concentrating on the negative parts of me why not just focus on the good like how i can make you smile or how awkward i am that no one sees all the problems your hiding. Or how you could really not get sumthing i do sumthin retarded and no one sees how stupid u look while im all retarded in the corner diverting there attention so that you may hide, so you don’t have to explain it anyone …. hahaha .. XD good times ... so yea .. dont concentrate on the bad in me and focus on the good, you'd find out that i am actually a big help sumtimes. or maybe im just annoying and oblivious to how cruel the real world is idk but just yea ...

ill always be just so invitng

sorry .. i love every ones suggestions. and i would love for u to keep critiquing me but thats just how my mind works after someone has told me what to do. I dont take direction well... i dont think.

like if the directions say " only glue the left side" ill probably look at what im doing and say but the right side would save so much time !!! .. then ill glue the right side and look back at the intructions dubiously and then feel stupid cuz i should have glued the left side ..... hahaha direction issues ...

i can feel the pressure

Alright heres sumthing else. I hate when people try to change my decision. The decision ive already made. If ive already chosen to where a yellow shirt today then i dont want you to come to me and say "hey you should wear a purple shirt" if i say "no" then dont go "but a purple shirt would look so much better" IVE ALREADY SAID NO !!!!!!! gosh ... sorry i mean i love your suggestions but really ... if i wanted your opinion i most likely would have asked .... and if i didnt want it i WOULDNT HAVE ASKED !!!!

i feel like i dont know you

Its like a love at first sight thing. Basically my mind chooses possibles but my heart goes the opposite direction than i want it too (stupid heart :P) so all the good possibilities that i could have chosen i had to go and choose a stupid awkward kid. I will most likely go in and out from the likeness i have for him but i havent pronounced it. If your going to say your together with sumone it better be true and real or watever u want to call it because no one likes when you love them but dont love them ... its frustrating.

Yea its long, and if you read it it wont seem so bad only one paragraph dont have a cow

i think relationships are hilariously serious. When you "get together" with sumone, its not like your really going to be together for that long, its really more like an experiment to see if you are compatible with that sort of person. Maybe it is just me but i dont like how that works. If i were to "get together" with sumone i wouldnt even want it to be labeled that way, its horrendous, i am a perfectionist, getting sumthing right the first time is how i roll. If i dont get it right the first time i might try one more time but other wise ive lost interest in it. So im not pro boyfriend/girlfriend labeling its not very structured. I really think that if your going to love or even like someone you should be true to that and not change it up, for instance "breaking up". Those to words hold alot of sorrow and pain and if i were to get into a relationship id rather mine be a true love type of thing because i dont think my little heart could take it.

one year closer to death i suppose

i just felt like typing. There are so many made up conversations in my head and they all have there good reactions and there bad. I tried to see every side of the conversation before i can actually talk about it ... creepy right. I hate how i do that. I can't ever tell any one anything because of those reasons. I'll think it through so much that i get scared and then im afraid to even bring it up.